The Saved Sinners, Pt. 2

As I was saying before, they only wanted to roast me in person.

I met up with them in the lobby of our dorms and we laughed, played nice and made our way to the mall. Our mission was to find skanky outfits for a major party that was happening the next night. During the bus trip there, I sat quietly and listened to them giggle and talk about this and that (complete nonsense), not wanting to disrupt the peace I had created. At the mall, Ms. Attitude put on her Ms. America smile and helped me piece together something scandalous, us laughing and her taking time out of her shopping.

Then we split up and Denouncer, Instigator and I went bra shopping. All in all, we were all having a great time. On the way back, the girls all sat to one side of the bus and I sat on the other. I don't know how we even got on the subject of my picture, but sure enough, we did and I was once again defending myself.

"Hey, I just want to know, is you gay or what?" Instigator asked, her eyebrows raised.
"No, I'm not gay," I laughed it off. They kept firing questions at me, and finally I snapped, "You know what? Y'all are being very childish and petty right now!"

Readers, they had the nerve to look surprised, like "Who, me?!"!!! I watched in disbelief as they looked at me like I was crazy and Denouncer said, "Wait, you really think we're childish?" As if by some fucking chance another group of girls had appeared and I was talking about them. I stood my ground.

"Yeah, I do."
"But how? What makes us childish and petty?"
"This. This whole argument is very childish."
"But how does this make us petty?"
"By going back and forth about something that's as trivial as this, you become petty." She kept asking me the same thing and the more back and forth we went, the more irritated I became, and it was showing my voice. "And furthermore, what's this whole getting smart thing?"

"No one said you were getting smart!" Denouncer and the rest of the girls said.
I pointed to Ms. Attitude. "She did yesterday--"
"--wait a minute now!" Attitude interrupted me, yelling. "All I said was that you could have just answered the question instead of catching an attitude with me!"

I shook my head and looked at her like she had lost her damn mind. "Attitude, we were on A-I-M!!! How would you know if I was getting an attitude with you?!" My voice was raised now, and we were both yelling.

"That is a good point," Instigator said, popping her gum, "sometimes things seem different online."

Readers, NO SHIT!!! Everyone who has ever typed out a sentence online should know that, right?

"My point is," I said, trying to control my voice (it was now beginning to shake with anger), "when I wrote, 'You need to get a man' on Facebook I added 'LOL' to show that I didn't have hard feelings--"

"--NAW!!!" they all cried at once, shaking their heads. "You were catching an attitude!"

"Oh my GOD!!!" I yelled back. "Do you hear yourselves? Once again, how was I catching an attitude through Facebook?"

"See, you getting an attitude now," yelled Attitude.

"What?!" I yelled back, outraged. I wasn't getting an attitude, I was wondering how the fuck these chicks made it to college! I mean, I'm all for Affirmative Action, but damn! The University couldn't do better than this?

"Yeah, you are," added Bible Thumper. The whole time she had been nodding her head and agreeing with her croonies. "I mean...it may not seem that way to you, but sometimes you say things that are not cool and it sounds like you're getting smart."

"Like when?" I asked, huffing.

It was obvious that they had been rehearsing this part, and these are the examples they gave me:

1) One day some girls (including the Saved Sinners) and I were supposed to be going to the mall.
About 15 of them were already in the lobby, waiting for me and a few others. As I walked up, I grinned at the sight: the lobby is mainly white and beige, and then you pan over to a huge group of color, ranging from various shades of browns. I said this as I walked up, laughing and they were confused but didn't seem offended. I just took it as a joke that went over their heads or something. No biggie. We went to the mall and had a good time, as planned.

"You see, no one thought that comment you made was funny," Denouncer said. Everyone looked at me pointedly, and I tried to explain what I meant by it.

"I wasn't trying to offend, I was just saying it was funny to see so much brown in the lobby."

2) The second example had to deal with the N-word. Apparently, they didn't appreciate it when I called them "Negroes". However, it was acceptable to use the infamous "nigger". Now, I'm an intellectual. And to me, and those of my friends that are on my level, the word "nigger" is highly offensive. I don't like it in rap music, I don't like it when people talk. "Negroes" on the other hand, was what African Americans were commonly called in the Civil Rights era. If you walk up to any black person today and ask them which is more offensive, "nigger" or "Negro", which one do you think they'd pick? The Saved Sinners, though, did not appreciate such history.

"I'm sorry, " Attitude said, "I just don't want to be called a 'negro'." The rest agreed with her. "I hear enough about the color of my skin and don't want to hear that!"

Everyone was bobbing their heads up and down.

Disgusted, I shrugged. "Okay, that's fine. From now on, I won't make jokes about us being black and I won't call you 'negroes'. That's fine. Is there anything else that upsets you?" They listed off a few more things, most reverting back to the way I "sound like I'm getting smart with them". I nodded, just through with the whole thing. While they were talking, I was thinking, This is some bullshit on rye bread. What...the...fuck...is...wrong...with...these....bitches? Is it me? Do I attract ignorance like this with a big sign on my forehead?

I tried to mention something that was bothering me. "Attitude, I can't even say something or make a point without you yelling or jumping down my throat." I said it in a calm voice, knowing she would blow up, and hoping to put emphasis on my point.

Like clockwork, she snapped, "I do not get an attitude, I'm just saying!" Oh, sister girl was working some serious pissed-off vibes and the rest didn't seem bothered by it. She began the trademark angry black woman prayer. "Loooorrrdd, just let me get off this bus, please before I hurt somebody's feelings..."

We all quieted down, each in our own thoughts.

Now that they were satisfied with grilling me, we all went to another friend's room and they sat and chat. I didn't open my mouth the whole time and wouldn't sit down. Not only was I pissed off beyond what I'd thought I would ever be, the hurt was beginning to seep down as well. These were supposed to be my girls, my sistas. And they didn't know shit from the toilet. They were immature, and even worse, stupid. I felt let down in a way, as if I had been subjected to the highest betrayal.

I think out of all of them, Bible Thumper knew deep down she was wrong. I kept meeting her eyes across the room, and they were projecting a subtle apology. Attitude had the nerve to ask, "Did you want to sit down?" in a not too friendly way, after I had been standing for about 30 minutes. I shook my head with a thin smile and kept to myself. Even now, I wonder why I didn't leave. I think it was pride, I wasn't going to show complete defeat until I was back in my own room with the door closed and locked.

We left later on that night, and went our separate ways. I gave dry "goodbyes" and went to my room. My heart was hurting at this point. I climbed in bed, called Boyfriend, cried to him until I fell asleep. But the ripples of something like that go far and wide. And so the story doesn't end here. Tomorrow I'll tell you how the after effects were fucking with my peace of mind....