Greetings, Readers, sorry for the delay in posts (again). What can I say, even though I try to make it to the computer in a timely fashion I can't promise miracles....and my life is just generally hectic. But I still love you.
Let's see, updates, updates:
The Alkie Front: Nothing much, really, except PG and I have escalated to exchanging brief conversation to each other, such as "Have you seen my math notebook?" or "How are you?" Other than that, same ole, same ole.
The Saved Sinners Front: You know, even though I dislike both the Alkies and the Saved Sinners, I'm human and eventually you get bored and want someone to talk to. That's where the SS come in. They're always around (because they live in the dorms) and they always want to be around me. Don't let that flatter you. They love to gossip and back stab one another, and their desire to hang around me is just a ploy to figure out what else they can whisper about. I've realized that they're actually scared of me....and slightly jealous. I didn't come from a broken home, I speak correct English (ahem), I have class (something that they nor their friends know anything about) and I have morals that I stick to. I'm a threat through and through. So they keep me around out of fear. And they hide their fear with gossip and giggles.
But I digress. Last night was the latest I had hung out with them, and our little group included four more girls and three more guys. I swear, I felt like I was back in high school. It was like deja vu all over again. There was no substance to the conversations. Don't get me wrong, my older friends and I talk about guys, drinking, ect., but it seems like there's more maturity there. These girls (and guys) wouldn't pick up a book if God had came down and delivered it. Out of the eight girls, only one that was on my level (she of course, being my age and intellectual). Although the girl and I tried to keep in on the conversation, we would always get cut off or ignored. So finally, shrugging them off, we just turned to each other and started discussing things such as the deeper meanings behind rap music or the emotional damage losing one's virginity to a loser could bring. And we were cracking up, swapping stories, ect. By this time, our group had dwindled to The Denouncer, Ms. Attitude, and another guy and girl. The couple were having a conversation and suddenly as intellectual girl and I noticed, Denouncer and Attitude were watching us and laughing. I mean, not subtle exchange knowing glances laughter, but out-right in your face laughter. Annoyed, I asked, "What?!"
"Nothing," Denouncer said, "y'all must be sleepy cause you over there just cracking up!"
Readers, what in the hell....? Sleepy? Because we're laughing with one another and having a good time? You must understand that when I'm around them now, I very rarely say anything. I just sit and listen and only ask questions when I'm totally confused about some gibberish their talking about. I figured anything I would say would be on another level for them any way. And it was only half past midnight. The intellectual girl and I shrugged it off and kept talking....and laughing. And the two SS kept staring and laughing at us. So finally, giving in, I said, "What is the problem?"
"Y'all are just in your own little world over there," Attitude said. Oh, okay, the real problem was that we had stopped paying attention to them and they didn't like it. So they were going to try and make us feel uncomfortable. How stupid is that?
"Well, every time we try to say something, we get cut off by someone else," I pointed out. Intellectual girl nodded in agreement.
"Really?" Denouncer asked, almost looking genuinely surprised. "Like when?"
"I don't know every time you've done it," I said.
"You did it tonight," Intellectual girl added. She gave an example and Denouncer kept saying, "Oh my God, I'm sorry. When? When?" As if she couldn't possibly believe she had been rude to us. Finally I said, with a smile that took a lot of strength to muster, "Don't worry about it. There's no hard feelings."
Shortly after, Intellectual girl and I walked back to our rooms and as soon as we were out of sight, I could hear the familiar female buzzing beginning. Geesh.
On another front, I mentioned a couple of
posts ago that I had started wearing my natural hair. If you clicked on the licks, you'll find an article that can describe African American hair and the lengths we take to make it straight and "acceptable" in American society.
A stigma within our own community is that "nappy" hair is unacceptable and to be frowned upon. And this stigma runs DEEP. Deep deep. So when you show up with your hair anything but straight, the first thing someone of color who doesn't appreciate our hair will say, "Girl, what's wrong with your hair?!" and look at you as if you have some sort of disease. This is why, Readers, when assholes like Don Imus say shit like "nappy headed hos" and everyone wants to
know what's the big deal, I damn near lose my mind. ESPECIALLY when those people are not black and don't know half of the things that goes on in our community. Don't talk what you don't know.
The point is, I haven't escaped this stigma with the Saved Sinners. Each and every one of them could pose in a black hair care magazine for permed hair. It's bone straight, jet black, fried to the maximum with chemicals. And they think they're the shit. You can't tell them otherwise. And then you see me. On top of all the other things I mentioned up above, I have extremely "nappy" hair and wear it proud. It's who I am. I didn't wake up this morning with permed hair growing out of my scalp and I don't see why I should be ashamed of that. Out of all the SS who have seen my hair, the one who is most transparent is Ms. Attitude. Her mouth literally twists up when she sees me. And she avoids my eye contact more than the others. I'm sure they've all said harsh things about me behind my back about my hair, clothes (I don't indulge in name brand), ect. But it seems my hair truly bothers her. And I really don't know if it's because she's so brainwashed that she's truly disgusted with my hair or if she's jealous because she doesn't have enough courage to do what I do (break the social standards). Either way, it's becoming interesting to see how she reacts towards me. It becomes more transparent each time we meet. Hmmmm....
Whew! This post is a freakin book and I still haven't even discussed my thought about feminism yet. Hmmmm....definitely next time....
Till then,
CC
