The Saved Sinners (Halleluja!)

Once upon a time, I wanted to meet black girls. And not just any black girls, black girls I could connect with. I'm not prejudiced in the least, but I was tired of being the "black acquaintance" at the parties, where the white guys would stare and try to decide if they wanted to be scared or sly and try the "dark side" and where the white girls would ask, "Oh my god, how did you do your hair?!" and finger my braids. When you go to a school that is about 89% white, it's hard to meet other minorities. So, I would strike up a conversation with every black girl I came in contact with, hoping to make more connections. Finally, I met Bible Thumper, and hit pay dirt.
Bible Thumper is what we like to call, "the model young Christian". Raised in the church, sings in the choir, goes to bible study 3 times a week, the whole shabang. Her friends, are more of what we call Secular Christians. You know, the ones that can quote from the Good Book and give you sex tips in the same breath? Yeah, those.
However, I digress. Bible Thumper was nice. She invited me out to a party and we met up with her other friends, The Denouncer, The Instigator, and Ms. Attitude. We had a great time, and after that, if a major party was going on in the Negro community, we were there. I guess they felt like I needed to be further examined and therefore they checked my Facebook page.

Now, everyone in the Free World either has a Myspace or a Facebook. Quite personally, I like Facebook because it keeps little kiddies at bay until they go to college. However, how many people out there has a tale of how something on their Facebook page got them into trouble? Never fails. Mine, being the freaky deaky girl I am, had a picture of Insecure Twit bending over and me biting her thong, grinning at the camera. Yes, I had had a few drinks in me, but that's not the point. The point was that it was funny, and therefore the picture was taken.

I woke up one random morning, yawing and scratching obscure places, plopped down at my computer and noticed a comment on the picture. The comment stated (and I'm paraphrasing):

Girl, what is really going on here? This shit is nasty! uh-uh...this is not what we do...

It was from The Denouncer. And I was pissed. Now, for those who haven't caught on from Alkie Attack , I have what some might call a slight temper. And I have little patience when my character is being called into question, especially over something as trivial as a picture. But, still trying to hang on to my new friends, I wrote back:

So what, you girls just go through people's pages finding things wrong? You need a man girl, lol.

And then I went along my merry business. When I returned I found multiple comments on my picture AND my page including:

Bible Thumper (on the picture) : This is just nasty, I'm sorry...this is definitely NOT what I would want to do...

The Denouncer (on the picture, responding back to the comment I made jokingly, "y'all are just jealous!") : Jealous?! Of what? This is some nasty shit and this is not something I would want to be seen doing....

All in all, very childish comments. Readers, I have no time for childish comments or childish people. And I was very tired of talking through Facebook. So, what did I do? I took a trip to go see the girls themselves.

Bible Thumper was in her room and looked very nervous when I came knocking at her door. I think she was surprised to see me coming.

"So, what's this all about?," I asked BT.

"Well," she stammered, "I mean, I just want to know...you were drunk, right?"

"...yeah, I was drunk, but what's with the foul comments?"

She said something about how The Denouncer was the one that wrote the comments and suggested I get on AIM (where the others were waiting) to straighten it out. I took her up on it, raced back to my room, and logged on. To keep a long, very long, IM short, the girls wanted to know:

Q. Why did you take that picture?

A. Because I thought it was funny.

Q. Yes, but did you know it was being taken.

A. Of course!

Q. Well, why did you let them put it on Facebook?

A. Why not? The people who know me and who are my friends know that I'm silly like that and they know not to come at me like this. Besides, I don't care what other people think.

This is where Ms. Attitude came in and was like, "Wait a minute, don't get smart!"

Readers, SAY WHAT???? Don't get smart??

I wrote back, "Ms. Attitude and everyone else on here, let's get one thing straight: I don't have to get smart with anyone because I'm a grown woman. There would be no reason for me to get smart in the first place. Ms. Attitude, you asked me a question and I simply answered it." It was so quiet I could literally hear the soft hum of my computer and then:



Q. Well, are you gay?

A. No. LOL (I'm thinking...the nerve!)

They didn't have anything to say after that, and finally I wrote a few more "pleasantries" and signed off.

At that point, I was found it a done deal. They later invited me out shopping and I accepted. However, I should have known that wasn't the last I would hear of it. Turns out, they were just waiting to roast me in person. Tell you that one tomorrow.....