Boys will be Boys

Boyfriend and I broke up.


Sort of.


He was supposed to graduate from college this month. Keep in mind he's been in school for five years. His parents (who are paying for his education) told him that he needed to graduate or else ("else" being cut off from the financial tit). So, he tried to take on 22 credits. Actually, I was impressed. He managed to juggle those classes all the way up until late March, early April. I didn't honestly think he had it in him. But throughout that whole ordeal he didn't mention what he wanted post graduation. I kept asking, and I kept getting vague answers or no answers at all. He said the reason he never wanted to talk about it was because I always had a hostile tone. I told him the only reason I had a hostile tone was because he never wanted to talk about it.


Anyway, during one argument, it came out that he wasn't graduating. Of course, I was pissed. Why didn't I know ahead of time? I had taken off days from work and had started to plan coming to see him. I was even trying to prepare myself for dealing with his family. "This is just what I mean," I told him. "You never tell me what's going on with you--what your plans are." My mom suggested he was probably embarrassed to tell me. But still.


So he packed and went down to stay with his parents for a few weeks before coming back to his school and taking the one class he had to drop so he could get his diploma. Fine. I asked him if he would be working during those few weeks, and at first he was "Oh, yeah yeah, I'm going to go get a temp job." This turned into a half ass attempt to find a temp job, clearly a ploy just to keep me happy. But I was sick of not knowing when I was going to see him because he never had any money, and not knowing if this was going to continue for the rest of our relationship. He doesn't seem to have any drive to do anything. He has these goals, but no motivation to make them happy. Boyfriend is completely okay with just having things fall into his lap.


And I wasn't having it. I called him up a couple of weeks ago, and just let my heart sing. I told him I wanted a break, which at first he said 'no' to. However, once he realized I wasn't backing down this time, he said that was fine. And I told him that I didn't know if we could have a future together because he's not responsible, and okay with that. "I need someone that I can rely on," I said, "and that I know I can build a future with."


He admitted that he understood he had been in the wrong to keep me out of knowing what his plans were, and that he needed "to do more on his part". He also said that he was willing to do whatever it took to keep me in his life. I reminded him that he's sang this song before, just not as loudly, and that whenever it came time for him to get a job, something always came up. I didn't trust him anymore and I was questioning whether we had the same ideas about our future--maybe we're incompatible.


For the last week, he's been sounding miserable on the phone--but I'm not giving in. I told him I needed to see improvement on his part in the form of concrete actions (getting a job or some means of money and making plans to see each other on our own time) before we moved any further. And since then he's been all talk about our "future" (kids, living together, etc.). Hmph. I've never been one of those young women who's ideal future is kids and calling someone 'husband'. I'm more career bound. So that shit isn't softening me up at all.


We'll see what happens. Right now I'm letting things ride out. I've gotten advice from all sides--my parents say I should drop him and so does a friend of mine. Another friend says I should give him another chance only if he shows his willing to move up and on to better things. And yet another friend says all men are dogs. Listening to everyone is too confusing, and I feel kind of cold towards the whole thing, so I'm going to see where the cards fall.