We've got a silent competition going on...and I don't know why. Now that I think about it, this has happened before with another friend of mine. She is very pretty, but in an "exotic" way and had all the attention from guys. I didn't mind--my low self esteem forced me to accept the fact that she was just meant to have all the males...and I had books to keep me happy. When I started dating Boyfriend, and started taking pride in the way I looked, things between us changed. Old Friend suddenly started treating me as competition (for what is a question I'm still trying to figure out). Our dynamics changed and we're no longer in the same relationship that we used to be.
So goes it for Twin now. When I met her a year ago, I was the same happy tomboyish ole me, complete with baggy shirts and jeans, no makeup, etc. I scoffed at working out, ate like shit (because I lived in the dorms) yadda yadda yadda. And she was (and still is) attractive, took pride in her appearance, very used to getting attention from men (she reminded me of this quite often with her 'complaints' of how much men were bothering her), equal yadda yadda yadda. However, when I moved out of the dorms this past month and a half ago, started wearing makeup (I have more time on my hands now that class is out, and I'm working part time as a receptionist which means I can't scare the customers, I've actually got to check how I look), and actually started working out, our dynamics changed as well.
I find that she's constantly comparing herself to me. Both verbally and silently. For instance, she's self conscious because she doesn't have big breasts. I, on the other hand, am a D-cup. So she's constantly complaining about her chest, and even though I tell her, "Yeah, but you can wear cute tanks and tube tops..." the look on her face when I roll down in something showing cleavage speaks a thousand words. Am I a bad friend because I don't cover up to make her feel good about herself?
The list is endless. I called my mom who has two lifelong best friends to ask her what her thoughts were.
Mom: Well, I've never had competition between my friends.
Me: Of course not Mom. You're the only woman on this planet who has felt like any competition is going on between you and another woman.
Mom: Well I haven't! But then again, I was taken off the (dating) market at 19. So maybe if we had all still been single it would have been different. But as far as your situation goes, it sounds like the girl (Twin) now views you as a threat. Before, you weren't taking that much pride in the way you look and now you are. She was comfortable with that. But now you've found new friends, got a little bit more confidence and you're emanating that. Of course she's going to view you as competition now.
Me: Ugh! But why? I don't want this!
Mom: Look, everyone wants to have hair that's the bomb. Everyone wants to look the best. It's human nature. Don't change who you are to please her. And you better stop over analyzing and get over this. Why don't you just find some other friends to hang out with?
Me: You're right. I was just wondering what was going on. But thanks for the advice.
Mom: No prob.
Of course the friendship guru (Mom) is right. But still it sucks. Ah well. Keep marching onward.
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